wagon ran away :(

hello. I gave up once again !! UGHHHH totally disappointed in myself at this point I need to get my head on straight and realize that my body is not the same as it was when I was a teen I want to be fit and able to run and play with my kiddos but honestly working for it has been a lot harder than I ever imagined!!! starting again today wish me luck!

until tomorrow...

Failure in me???

Yesterday I was so ready to start day 2 of my challenge then I began to remember how horrible day 1 was and came up with every excuse why I couldn't do day2- I am sore, I have a guest, I don't think I can do it, I know I can't, my knee hurts, my family will see me, I am tired...... The darn list went on and on! I believed everything I was thinking and went to bed I woke up disappointed in myself how if I want to change Can i sit not do it!!! I cheated myself on the feeling of accomplishment, soreness, of saying I did it. I can't change what I didn't do I can change what I am going to do today so today I will do day 2 and day3 I pray I survive lol because I refuse to feel like this again.  

My fear of failure is what is holding me back I know it. Failure is something I take as they come it makes my success taste so much sweeter to know that when I thought I could not go any further I kicked it to the side and succeeded.

Tonight fear will have to sit and watch me succeed!!!  

**i decided to keep a personal daily journal as well.  Yesterday I began preparations for my kiddos party first time we are making them one party. Hello kitty and spongebob are their themes. My sister and I worked on their center pieces it was fun! I still can't believe my babies are 6 and 5 already how time flies.  Great day with my family :)

Until tomorrow. 

A New Me... Fingers Crossed

It has been a while since my last post a lot has happened and I would like to start fresh today-

I started a 90 day challenge yesterday.... Yeah that did not go at all like I though it would!! Before becoming a full time mommy to 2 of the most beautiful babies I was as fit as they come I prided myself in that.  My image means more than it should to me due to so many things- I always made sure I looked as great no matter how crappy I felt- after my babies were born I figured my body would continue to be fit like always with little effort from real exercise WELL WHAT A WAKE UP CALL!!! It has been 5 years since my princess was born and I have yet to loose half of the weight I gained from both pregnancies. I blame MYSELF 100%! I decided enough was enough I could not live the rest of my life not wanting to look in the mirror because of what I saw- afraid of loosing my family or embarrassing them- I have decided to make myself do what I never really had to do before- WORKOUT!! Yesterday was my FITTEST-pffff- I felt sooo horrible about myself BUT I could not wait to work on day 2 today good thing is that I can only get better from where I am at now right??

I also decided to "blog" my journey to make sure that I can take a look at each day and see what I have accomplished and what I still need to work on :) This in it self is hard I don't like to show vulnerability but I figured it would help me stop being the person I don't want to be anymore.

On RECORD- I don't want to be skinny I want to be fit- I don't need to fit into a size 1 again I want to fit into a size ME - I don't care what the world thinks of me I care what I think of myself- I hope one day to just be happy with myself :)

Until later on today or tomorrow...

I am right You are wrong..

I am smart You are dumb...
REALLY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! lol
OK i must admit I have felt like saying this to many people in my life but seriously does a book of some sort exist about what is right and what is smart that I can use as a reference LOL

Today I found myself wanting that book REALLLYYYY BAD!!!!

I walk into a store to make deliveries of my fabulous Scentsy products(great advertisement huh lol) and the person at the front desk is on her way out to lunch I proceed to give her her order then she walks away as I give others theirs then out of NOWHERE she comes up with her purse, her lunch bag, her jacket, her other bag, and her Scentsy bag and tells me "You weren't going to buy anything right!"
LMAO
HELLO NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

SO DUMB AND SOOO WRONG!!!!!

First of all be nice to the client and do not rush them out... "Idiot" ( in Napoleon dynamite voice) 
As I said no I Laughed cause she looked so hilarious and this action is totally her OUT IN LEFT FIELD!!!

So if anyone out there finds this book please send it my way asap! Thank you and muchas gracias :)

The Best I CAN BE....

a normal day in my life being a mom, wife, daughter, and a sister....
today (11/2) was a catch up day seriously ALL day washing clothes and cleaning my house while working and taking care of my babies :) just as I thought that I could not do any more and that I was not being the best I can be I got the phone call I needed to slap me out of it :)
I am a Daddy's girl and never ever have I been ashamed of it however through out life I feel that I have not been the best I can be nor what he deserves me to be as a daughter. every time I speak with him he says how proud he is of me- that is EVERY DAY!!!! So when my phone rang and it was my Daddy's ring tone ringing I knew I would be OK again he said how proud of me he was i apologized for all the wrongs i did in the past and he followed by telling me it was me growing up! How wonderful is that for the person you know you have let down the most by your actions, thoughts, and words says for you to never speak of the past and embrace the present!!!!! 
Emotional post I know but soooo necessary! Take the day of today and remember your errors but not to live in the past but to make sure they don't happen again :)

1st blog EVER!!!

WOW my 1st blog TOOO Cool!
Nov. 1st a new month and offically time to start stressing over holiday shopping lol WHY?
seriously I know that I am the person at Walgreens the day of getting gifts and extra goodies lol I TRY to get everything done but 25yrs of not getting it done I will TRY to break the cycle this year :) 
I am soo ready to eat the turkey, tamales, and all the cakes, pies, and sweet bread and right before I eat each of them I will state how I should NOT be eating it but eat it anyway....
Hey at least my thoughts were good lol

Let the madness begin! Monday afternoon and today I have so much to do and that I want to get done let's see how many items I can check off my to do list:)