wagon ran away :(

hello. I gave up once again !! UGHHHH totally disappointed in myself at this point I need to get my head on straight and realize that my body is not the same as it was when I was a teen I want to be fit and able to run and play with my kiddos but honestly working for it has been a lot harder than I ever imagined!!! starting again today wish me luck!

until tomorrow...

Failure in me???

Yesterday I was so ready to start day 2 of my challenge then I began to remember how horrible day 1 was and came up with every excuse why I couldn't do day2- I am sore, I have a guest, I don't think I can do it, I know I can't, my knee hurts, my family will see me, I am tired...... The darn list went on and on! I believed everything I was thinking and went to bed I woke up disappointed in myself how if I want to change Can i sit not do it!!! I cheated myself on the feeling of accomplishment, soreness, of saying I did it. I can't change what I didn't do I can change what I am going to do today so today I will do day 2 and day3 I pray I survive lol because I refuse to feel like this again.  

My fear of failure is what is holding me back I know it. Failure is something I take as they come it makes my success taste so much sweeter to know that when I thought I could not go any further I kicked it to the side and succeeded.

Tonight fear will have to sit and watch me succeed!!!  

**i decided to keep a personal daily journal as well.  Yesterday I began preparations for my kiddos party first time we are making them one party. Hello kitty and spongebob are their themes. My sister and I worked on their center pieces it was fun! I still can't believe my babies are 6 and 5 already how time flies.  Great day with my family :)

Until tomorrow. 

A New Me... Fingers Crossed

It has been a while since my last post a lot has happened and I would like to start fresh today-

I started a 90 day challenge yesterday.... Yeah that did not go at all like I though it would!! Before becoming a full time mommy to 2 of the most beautiful babies I was as fit as they come I prided myself in that.  My image means more than it should to me due to so many things- I always made sure I looked as great no matter how crappy I felt- after my babies were born I figured my body would continue to be fit like always with little effort from real exercise WELL WHAT A WAKE UP CALL!!! It has been 5 years since my princess was born and I have yet to loose half of the weight I gained from both pregnancies. I blame MYSELF 100%! I decided enough was enough I could not live the rest of my life not wanting to look in the mirror because of what I saw- afraid of loosing my family or embarrassing them- I have decided to make myself do what I never really had to do before- WORKOUT!! Yesterday was my FITTEST-pffff- I felt sooo horrible about myself BUT I could not wait to work on day 2 today good thing is that I can only get better from where I am at now right??

I also decided to "blog" my journey to make sure that I can take a look at each day and see what I have accomplished and what I still need to work on :) This in it self is hard I don't like to show vulnerability but I figured it would help me stop being the person I don't want to be anymore.

On RECORD- I don't want to be skinny I want to be fit- I don't need to fit into a size 1 again I want to fit into a size ME - I don't care what the world thinks of me I care what I think of myself- I hope one day to just be happy with myself :)

Until later on today or tomorrow...